So, I’ve decided to devote ten thousand hours of my life to something. How do you decide what should be so important?

I can tell you how I chose. It involved many quizzes and google searches.

I could learn about wine, or brewing, or food; but that seemed to involve buying expensive equipment and making a mess of my kitchen. No, thanks.

Well, I’m pretty religious. I could master the Bible, I guess. I was kind of afraid I’d get wrapped up in the logistics and forget about the relationship.

I even considered science fields, but I’m not exactly interested in some of the college classes and labs involved. I’m doing this for my sanity, so maybe harsh deadlines and stressful work loads aren’t the best thing for me.

In the end, I spoke to my husband about it. He’s so great. He was supportive of everything I threw at him. I mentioned to him that I had considered becoming an expert in hockey, and he said that he didn’t know any women in the field. No hockey sportscasters and no hockey coaches that were women. Now I’m on a mission.

Who knows where this will lead. Maybe I just become a knowledgeable fan. Maybe once the kids are in school I can be the first professional woman in hockey. Maybe I never finish my ten thousand hours, and this is all for naught. We’ll see. Until then, I look forward to learning more about the sport. If anyone wants to tag Ben Bishop, please do! Just kidding.

I don’t know why I’m doing this. It’s probably another thing I’ll do for a month and forget about. I do that a lot. Nothing holds my interest for very long.
While I’m here, I’m going to attempt to make this a habitual journaling exercise for my mental health. I have so many feelings and issues that I can sort out better in writing. As opposed to clogging my phone with notes or filling up a notebook that my children will inevitably steal and draw on every single page, I’ve chosen to digitally record my journal for your entertainment purposes. Enjoy.
You’ve probably noticed the title is 10,000 hours. It’s no mistake. That is exactly the number of hours it is said to master anything. Given ten thousand hours of your time to one specific subject can supposedly make you an “expert.” So, I’m going to use my journaling to focus on a specific subject. This gives me an outlet to escape to when I feel overwhelmed, and will apparently make me an expert in something, which is pretty cool.

What is this subject you ask? No idea, yet. I’m hoping to reveal that in the next post. I’m considering hockey, but since I don’t actually play, I’m not sure how well it will hold my attention. I do enjoy watching my Stars play, though.
I know, I know. “You could just devote the time to mental health, since it’s what has inspired you to do this.”

The thing is, I don’t want to focus on mental health. I feel very guilty about being so depressed with how blessed I am. I have three amazing boys who deserve a happier and more energetic mother. I have the most loving and understanding husband who deserves someone who will meet him with a smile and a clean house instead of another panic attack and three days of dishes in the sink. I have a decent apartment, plenty of food, no real financial struggles, family support, a working car, warm clothes, electricity, television subscriptions, safety, and health. I have so much that people around the world would kill for. Yet, I’m still depressed, and it makes me feel self-centered. I know it’s not a good way of thinking, but it’s how I feel. I’m working on it. I’ll get through it. I’ll eventually accept my mental illness and love myself despite it until I’m able to heal. One day I’ll allow myself to feel depressed without the guilt, but today is not that day. Therefore, my outlet will not be related to my illness.
Stay tuned for more.